He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
