KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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