i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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