your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
