I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
