Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
