why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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