Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
