sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
50% drunk capacity currently
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
