Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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