I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
