Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
