Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
