Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
