I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
