is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Boobs are out for the taking
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
