i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
