I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
