I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
