hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
