eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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