PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
