i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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