Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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