I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
