Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
