I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
