We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
