not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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