you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
