No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
