Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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