That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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