I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have demons in me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
