it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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