i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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