before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
