I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
