1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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