oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
