I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
