I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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