I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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