i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
