I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
