Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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