i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
