I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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