Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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