what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
