Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
