Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
