is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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