You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
