I am spending my child support on dildos
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
