My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
